December 2011
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“It once was a gas station. Then it became a porn shop. And in a span of a few...”
– Developer Douses Former Porn Shop With Hot Sauce | News and Features | Style Weekly - Richmond, VA
I have nothing to add to this.
Diets are fucking bullshit.
Hey, so, I’m in a rush here but I just wanted to check in with my Tumblrers and say that this Chrome app I installed is pissing me off.
That is to say, it is being terribly useful and making me limit certain of my net-things to a goddamn 20 minute per day (according to my customized settings).
So, it’s like a parent, giving you stink eye when you’re supposed to be doing...
“You know and I know that she’s not young enough or pretty enough to be the...”
– Newt Gingrich, ca. 1980, describing his first wife to then-friend/confidante Leonard H. “Kip” Carter (source). Niiice.
(Something something ‘Stepford upgrade.’)
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“A year after Virginia overhauled its review process to improve the quality of...”
– Error-plagued history books’ publisher to bypass Va review by marketing directly to districts - The Washington Post
Hey, Jim and Stephanie! DO YOU MISS US YET?
“I don’t think it’s just me. Sure, teenagers gave up the phone call eons ago. But...”
– Pamela Paul: Don’t Call Me, I Won’t Call You (NYTimes.com)
It’s definitely not just her.
People sympathize with the frog, boiled alive...
What about me, in this super-cold bathtub?
“Gillespie lived on the building’s fifth-floor for years and appeared to be...”
– New Yorkers to reporters, after their allegedly ‘paranoid’ neighbor was burned alive in the elevator of her building, after an ordinary grocery store run by a dude in an exterminator getup, which would totally never happen, OMG that old lady is so mental, LOL .
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WHAT'S THE TIME?
It is, apparently, time to get ill (so sayeth some beastly boys).
“When you consider things like the stars, our affairs don’t seem to matter very...”
– Virginia Woolf, Night and Day (via proustitute)
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Turning myself in.
Woke up early, watched my lady detective dramas, and am now eating espresso chip ice cream.
(If all goes well, I’ll be back in bed before the kids get up.)
*UPDATE* Shit, they’re getting up. (Quick! Hide the ice cream bowl.)
"Notably, you *cannot* buy fat people directly...
In looking into whether to buy XXL: Obesity and the Limits of Shame (Seeman and Luciani, University of Toronto Press) I consulted the one review on Amazon thus far posted. Shockingly, it was a review of obese people, rather than of the book!
So, I diplomatically schooled the d-bag.
“When firefighters were on the scene she made statements to them that is what she...”
– U.S. News - Cops: Woman spent six hours in a Wal-Mart making meth
Understatements FTW.
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stages of new social media app
copycatr:
oh hey look a new social media app
that looks stupid
okay everyone says it’s great I’ll try it
hey this is pretty great I’ll add some people and use it some
woah hey you guys sure use this a lot, let me unfriend some of you noisy people
jesus everyone shut the fuck up, time to turn off notifications
never open app again
oh hey look a new social media app
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Query: How does one kill the Facebook 'ticker'?
I don’t mean merely ‘hiding’ it. I mean, I want to hurt it, I want it to beg for its life, I want it to suffer, and then I want it to die, motherfucker, die.
“From the moment a woman—a Jewish, lesbian woman—positioned herself at the birth...”
– Renate Stendhal: Was Gertrude Stein a Hitler Fan?
Kids are great
Take heart, dude. Today my kid needed me to find her social security card so she could get her ID. As she waited in the car with her dad, I tore my Hazmat-zone of an office further apart, finally texting back “I’m sorry! I did find the restraining order against my ex, though.”
tj:
Especially when they tell you how they wish you’d adopt another kid so they won’t be so lonely.
...
“I was 27 years old and working as a radio DJ. I wasn’t sleeping, I was kind of...”
– Self-Help for Nerds: Advice from Comedian Chris Hardwick | Magazine
I’ve had the print ed. of last month’s Wired open to this article nearly since it arrived, and have yet to tire of re-reading it.
U.S. News - Feds: Couple claimed welfare, lived in... →
Three (I daresay pretty important) things:
All those occasions when, at a time when my family has been receiving some modest manner of public assistance, I may have* accepted, and failed to specifically report, gifts received, for instance, for emergency veterinary care or Christmas presents for our girls, and accordingly, experienced pangs of societal guilt: I TAKE THEM BACK.
Brace yourselves...
I wonder how quickly my husband would return home...
I posted here that, 56 days following my last surgery, I might be ready to try having sex again?
"Homeschooling" is to my parental and educational...
I get how there are circumstances in which it may be necessary, but OH! the CHAFING!
[Related: We are, seriously if also with great angst and trepidation, looking at this, among other options, for our 11 year old, Annalisa. Your ideas are, of course, welcome; at gmail - as throughout various of the Internets - I am ‘vmarinelli.’]
HOLY GIGANTIC MISUNDERSTANDINGS, BATFOLKS
It has come to my attention that this - a reblog of my husband’s post, wherein, beneath a title of CONDOMS ARE ONLY 99% EFFECTIVE, he’d quipped, Oh no. My daughter is the 1% - has been, to at least some persons, misconstrued as an indication that said daughter was, herself, pregnant.
NO, NO, NO, OHMIGAWD AREYOUFUCKINGKIDDINGME, NO.
To be absolutely painstakingly clear: Neither our...
"Good luck with that."
I just awoke - after having slept for the previous 24 hours, that block of time having been interrupted by, perhaps, a cumulative total of 45 minutes of strictly utilitarian wakefulness (to snarf down the bare minimum of food to silence my growling belly; to take meds; to pee, etc.) - and what finally pierced that thick stupor was the sound of my teenager reading aloud an essay, asking her dad -...
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The funny thing? This is not the first time my...
Other funny thing? I have (independently of her plummeting episodes) also nearly plummeted to my death in the Pacific.
(In addition to the above land-to-ocean-based events, we’ve both had near-drowning experiences - although those were in totally different oceans, so.)
These are, now that I pause to consider it, really dumb things to have in common with one’s mother.
HEY, HERE’S ANOTHER FUNNY...
“…One interesting tumble that did not send me into the ocean below. That...”
– my mother, reporting on her most recent backpacking trip. She’s, um, really good at understatement.
(Speaking of understatements: You know what would be really aggravating? If our long estrangement finally concluded only to have my mother FALL INTO THE OCEAN OH MY GOD.)
[further flipping...
“A court in France has ordered a man to pay €10,000 ($13,500) in damages to his...”
– Husband ordered to pay wife for lack of sex
Withholding sex from your spouse can lead to financial ruin.
(via thunderdolt)
But honey, which came first? The financial ruin or the withholding of sex? (Trick question because nobody is coming, ever!)