• Inner voice 1: He'll be so heartened that she woke up before noon.
  • Inner voice 2: Then you'll have to ruin it by explaining it was only because of the nightmares.
  • Inner voice 1: So what, make a run for the bathroom, hope he doesn't hear the toilet flush, go back to sleep and hope the nightmare doesn't consume us again?
  • Inner voice 2: You know, it's funny what we're leaving out of this so-called dialogue.
  • Inner voice 1: What, like how her first articulate thought on waking was "I hate myself"?
  • Inner voice 2: Well, that, and the fact that our voices aren't really numbered like this.
  • Inner voice 1: Yeah. Oh, and as if there'd only be 2 of us! (But whatever, it works for this Tumblr internet chat formatty doohickey.)
  • Inner voice 2: So again we're tailoring our communication to fit arbitrary formatting protocols.
  • Inner voice 1: As an aside, I think it's pretty funny that Beck's _The Information_ just came on iPod shuffle.
  • Inner voice 2: "Funny" would be if it was _Loser_.
  • Inner voice 1: Who you callin' Loser, loser?
  • Inner voice 2: Shut up.
  • Inner voice 1: Anyway - back to the formatting thing. The fact is, he may follow all three of her accounts (that he knows of) on Twitter, but he doesn't get Tumblr yet.
  • Inner voice 2: Well, that would explain why we're spilling all this here. He probably won't read it. At least not yet.
  • Inner voice 1: So are you going to talk about the nightmare?
  • Inner voice 2: Fuck no, man. You?
  • Inner voice 1: Are you fuckin' crazy?
  • Inner voices 1 & 2 in brief, ironic unison: WE ARE GOING TO BE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE WITH OUR SHRINK IF WE EVER MAKE THE REQUISITE FOLLOW UP APPOINTMENT.
  • Inner voice 2: So are we going to read anything into what came on the iPod next?
  • Inner voice 1: What, "The Itchy and Scratchy Song"?
  • Inner voice 2: No, dummy. And anyway, she fast forwarded over that.
  • Inner voice 1: Calling our host "she" is probably a really good example of what the shrink would call... what was it? "Displacement"?
  • Inner voice 2: I know it's dis-something another. "Dismemberment"?
  • Inner voice 1: So you DO want to talk about the nightmare?
  • Inner voice 2: No, goddammit!
  • Inner voice 1: But you said "dismemberment."
  • Inner voice 2: No I didn't.
  • Inner voice 1: Yeah, you DID. It's right up there in this transcript she's making on her blackberry from bed instead of getting up to pee like a normal person.
  • Inner voice 2: You mean "a normal person who only wakes up before noon if it's because of a nightmare."
  • Inner voice 1: Well yeah. Uh, what were we talking about? Dis- something? Or iPod shuffle?
  • Inner voice 2: Well, it was both tangents at once. I think the word we were looking for was "dissociation."
  • Inner voice 1: And there was a related d- word. D-... D-...
  • Inner voice 2: DEPERSONALIZATION?
  • Inner voice 1: Right. She should Wikipedia that later.
  • Inner voice 2: Not before she gets up to pee, though.
  • Inner voice 1: Okay, back to the iPod tangent. Why did she even put _The Itchy and Scratchy Song_ on there?
  • Inner voice 2: I dunno. A subconscious joke about the high school rapist who gave her crabs?
  • Inner voice 1: THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
  • Inner voice 2: Sure it is! And anyway, we can't leave the rape jokes to the rapists and their sympathizers.
  • Inner voice 1: Okay, maybe it's a *little* funny. (Also, could we at least limit our trauma references to shit that happened within the same decade?)
  • Inner voice 2: Whatever, it's all the same shit. Variations on a theme of "rape and homelessness," amirite?
  • Inner voice 1: I can't believe you just said "amirite." ANYWAY, as long as she's still looking for synchronicity where maybe there isn't any, just like her "Magical Thinking" mama taught her to do (remember all those Jung books? LOL!), we should address what came on the iPod after that track.
  • Inner voice 2: Right. Stevie Ray Vaughan's Carnegie Hall performance of _Things That I Used to Do_.
  • Inner voice 1: Which she's played over and over while we've been at this.
  • Inner voice 2: What? It's a good song.
  • Inner voice 1: Well yeah, but about the title. It dovetails nicely with this meta-narrative about how she used to have her shit together - or at least, she could effectively perform the illusion of that. "Things That I Used to Do." Like sleeping at night. Like keeping a job, even if it was rarely longer than for a few months at a time before some weird shit blew up in her face. Or she self-sabotaged.
  • Inner voice 2: That's not what the song is about AT ALL.
  • Inner voice 1: Sure, but the title fits.
  • Inner voice 2: There you go again, thinking more in titles than in complete narratives. Jesus, she'll never get the book written at this rate.
  • Inner voice 1: Only because you keep tearing her down.
  • Inner voice 2: You're the one who won't let her get up to pee!
  • Inner voice 1: OKAY, we'll let her pee. In a minute.
  • Inner voice 2: Oh fuck, here comes the cat. She'll start dancing on the host's bladder and then - ungh, there she goes. CAN WE WRAP THIS UP NOW?
  • Inner voice 1: Okay, but you have to agree to stop tearing her down.
  • Inner voice 2: The cat?
  • Inner voice 1: The HOST, stupid.
  • Inner voice 2: Well, maybe you could also stop tearing ME down.
  • Inner voice 1: Backatcha.
  • Inner voice 2: Also we should integrate at some point. And stop calling her "the host."
  • Inner voice 1: Depersonalization is fucking retarded.
  • Inner voice 2: You shouldn't say "retarded."
  • Inner voice 1: But "fucking" is okay?
  • Inner voice 2: DUH.
  • Inner voice 1: Okay, but there's no way we're all going to integrate - much less finish writing the book - until we at least let her pee.
  • Inner voice 2: Are we gonna make her check this shit for errors before she sends it to Tumblr?
  • Inner voice 1: Nah, that'd just give her a reason to back out of all this.
  • Inner voice 2: Plus, she has to pee so bad at this point she probably doesn't give a crap if there are errors.
  • Inner voices 1 & 2 in brief, ironic unison: OKAY HOST I THINK WE'RE DONE HERE. JUST HIT "SEND" AND WE'LL LET YOU PEE. (And don't even try to proofread this because then we'll just add more voices to this whole reverse-hostage situation.)
  • Inner voice 1: Goddamn, it's amazing she hasn't killed us.
  • Inner voice 2: ...Yet.